


Half a Superhero

by RedEyedQueen21



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Gen, M/M, Mentions of the tsunami and Shannon, Minor mention of Ana Flores, Somewhat, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedEyedQueen21/pseuds/RedEyedQueen21
Summary: Eddie knew he was overreacting.He knew that he shouldn't have said what he said to Buck.But he couldn't help but lash out when he heard his son call Buck 'Dad'.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 539





	Half a Superhero

Eddie couldn’t help but feel anxious after his date with Ana.

He hadn’t realized he was gripping the steering wheel so tightly till he got home and found the imprints of the steering cover imprinted on his palms.

The date went well.

She was sweet, smart, and sexy.

All the “S’s” needed for a girlfriend. It was just weird to be part of the dating world again after so long. He had been so focused on Christopher, on his job, and his mental health that dating was just not an option. But now it was.

“I think.” He whispered to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He was still in the car and looked through his text messages with Ana to see she had sent him a new message saying she got home and she had enjoyed their date. Despite how he was feeling about dating again, he had texted back to say he had gotten home as well and couldn’t wait till their second date.

So that was a lie.

So what about it.

Fake it till you make it, right?

He cracked his neck as he got out, finding that the porch light was still on as well as the living room light. “Buck?” Eddie called out, it was way past midnight. He figured that both Buck and Christopher were asleep at this point. “Buck?”

He stopped short at his living room.

“Oh, this is just too freaking cute.” He snickered quietly, as he slowly approached the couch where Christopher was sleeping on top of Buck. Christopher’s glasses on the coffee table and the television was on and playing some Pixar film. Christopher was already in his pajamas and looked so cozy, his face buried in Buck’s neck. Buck had one hand on Christopher’s head, his other arm was hanging off the couch.

He felt his own neck tinge in pain at how Buck was positioned on the couch. Which, to be honest, wasn’t that comfortable to begin with. He could already imagine Buck complaining of neck and back pain in the morning.

He pulled out his phone to snap a few pics, smiling at how cute this was. Blackmail material for the both of them forever.

“Hey Buck.” He whispered, tapping his friend on the forehead.

Buck winced, wrapping his arms around Christopher now as Christopher luckily didn’t react. “Hey sleepyhead.” he whispered again.

Buck slowly opened his eyes, “Oh, hey.” He winced again, Eddie assumed it was due to probably feeling his arm feeling a bit numb since it was just hang off the couch like that. “Sh-shoot.” He groaned softly as he realized how late it was. “Did you just get home?”

Eddie couldn’t but smile as he sat on the coffee table, picking up Christopher’s glasses to play with. “Yeah.” He answered simply.

Buck looked at him incredulously, “And?”

Eddie snickered, he had to give it to Buck. The guy hadn’t dated in almost three years and was yet more excited to get Eddie dating much more so than Eddie himself was. Hell, he had even came early to help Eddie get dressed.

He rubbed his hands on his thighs, not yet up to answering. “And I think Christopher should be in bed now.”

Buck rolled his eyes, but smirked. “Fair point.”

Eddie got up to pick up Christopher, but Buck waved him away. “I got it.” He stated simply as he slowly got up from the couch in order to not wake up Christopher. “Go get some beers for us or something.”

Now it Eddie’s turn to roll his eyes, getting beers was something that would happen anyway. “Did he brush his teeth?” Eddie asked, watching Buck carry his son to his room.

“Duh.” Buck winked, “Ate all his dinner and got his homework done too.”

He already knew Buck would take care of everything. ‘ _He really does have my back_.’ Eddie thought as he bowed his head slightly, wordlessly thanking Buck.

He went to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer before realizing, he was still clutching Chris’ glasses.

He was ready to walk into his son’s room, but paused- hearing Buck and Christopher’s soft voices.

“But you’re still coming tomorrow, right?” Christopher asked. Eddie sighed, he already knew the answer and felt his heart crack.

“No, I gotta work with your dad tomorrow…But I can come back here, that way you’ll see me in the the next morning.”

Eddie shook his head, he knew Christopher pulled the puppy face on Buck. It was typical for Buck to spend the night since Buck was so keen on spending time with Christopher, plus Eddie wasn’t gonna complain.

A breakfast made by Buck? No complaints or arguments here.

“Really?” he heard Christopher asked, Buck must of nodded or answered quietly since Christopher’s follow up question was if they could have French toast in the morning.

Buck laughed softly, “Of course!”

“You’re the best Buck.”

Eddie could practically feel Buck’s smile from where he was standing. He knew how much Christopher loved his Buck.

“Good night buddy.” He could hear Buck get up, “I love you.”

“I love you too dad.”

Eddie had seen a lot. As a solider and as a fire fighter.

Too much for a person really to handle if were to be honest.

He was used to holding his emotions back and not feeling much at the moment. But all that he felt now was now ice and heartache. It felt like a punch in the gut and heart at once.

He felt himself freeze as Buck opened the door. Buck clearly wasn’t expecting him to be standing there since his face was pale once he saw Eddie just stand there, Christopher’s glasses being clutched tightly in his hand.

“Eddie. I-” Buck started, his eyes glossy.

Eddie walked away, not trusting himself to say anything yet.

“Eddie, he- he didn’t mean it.” Buck reasoned as he closed the door to Christopher’s room quickly to follow Eddie into the kitchen.

He knew it wasn’t Buck’s fault.

He knew he trusted Buck more than anyone else when it came to caring for Christopher.

He knew that, he honestly knew that.

But he could feel the jealously pounding through his veins. The pent up rage of having a title he so loved and worked hard to keep, being used on Buck.

It fucking hurt.

He wished he had done what his therapist had always advised him. Rephrase and redirect his anger when addressing another person- he had done so a few times. But all his patience for that was depleted and he knew before he opened his mouth that anger and jealously were the only things deciding his words at the moment.

“You sure about that, cause it sounded like he meant to call you dad.” Eddie snapped back. He set the glasses back on the table as he loosened his tie. “Which is weird, considering that I’m his dad and not you.”

Buck flinched at that, “I-I know. But he was like half asleep, he probably would have said that to-”

“What? To who Buck? To anyone?” Eddie cut him off, he knew what he was feeling wasn’t fair. He was angry and, damn it, he was hurt. He threw his jacket haphazardly on the kitchen table. “ _I’m_ his dad.”

“I know.” Buck began to say, “But –”

Eddie could feel something in his gut tightened at that, “But? But what? There’s no argument here. You’re not his dad.” Eddie nearly shouted.

He stepped closer to Buck, “Do you take him to school? Do you take him to doctor appointments or therapy? Where were you when Shannon died and he was drawing pictures of her drowning? Or when he was having nightmares? You weren’t there. The hell makes you think you be that kid’s dad when you never show up as his friend?”

Buck honestly looked like a kicked puppy at that. “I- I, that’s not what I was gonna say.” Buck tried to say, his hands gripping the kitchen chair. The table set being the only physical buffer between them.

Eddie could feel his heart crack.

Here he was coming back from a date, and another man had cooked for his son, done homework with his son, and tucked his son into bed. That was _Eddie’s_ job, not Buck’s.

“Considering you’re the reason why he was in therapy and having the nightmares, maybe I should have sent you the bill.” Eddie sniped, wanting to inflict the most amount of pain as possible. But he instantly regretted the words coming out of his mouth as soon as he said them.

He could see the words resonate off Buck. If Eddie’s heart was cracked, then Buck’s was shattered at the reminder of the tsunami.

Luckily Buck, ever the person who wears his heart on his sleeve, didn’t raise to the bait. He rubbed his face wearily, Eddie could see the tears fall now.

“You don’t mean that?” Buck asked, his voice sounded so pinched, Eddie might as well as have hit him literally.

Eddie leaned back on the fridge, he felt exhausted now and sad. But mostly angry. And when he felt anger, he was still on the habit of taking it out on someone else.

He didn’t answer Buck.

“Yeah.” Buck said after a moment, “I’ll go then.”

Eddie knew he was being petulant about this, he knew it wasn’t fair or right.

But hearing his only kid, his only reason for doing anything at this point, calling another man ‘dad’, drove all his insecurities about his ability to parent out to the forefront.

Since the day Shannon told him she was pregnant, he was always afraid of messing up and letting Christopher down.

He also knew Buck’s own history with his parents.

Neither of them came from shining examples of great parents.

But Eddie was trying his best and Buck knew that.

He didn’t have the guts to look at Buck walking out the house, he only reacted once he heard Buck’s jeep pull out from the driveway.

He cursed slightly at the shit show he had caused. He pulled out his phone, instantly messaging Ana and apologizing for the fact that he would be cancelling their second date.

Yeah- he wasn’t ready for getting back out there if he was still like this. He turned off his phone, wanting to avoid any calls and messages from her or the 118 team.

He knew his words would come back to bite him tomorrow. He might as well mentally prepare for that.

He saw Christopher’s glasses on the table and sighed, ‘ _God, I fucked up_.’ He felt overwhelmingly maudlin now as he walked into Christopher’s room to set the glasses on the nightstand. He ran his hand through his son’s curls and kissed him good night.

He knew Christopher would ask where Buck was once he woke up.

‘ _How hard could making French toast be?_ ’ Eddie thought while changing.

Yeah…

Like that was the actual issue.

Turns out making French toast was pretty damn hard. Eddie nearly cussed out loud as oil from the pain hit him.

“What did you put in there?” Christopher asked as he looked at his questionably from his chair at the kitchen table.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked as he set a plate of French toast and scrambled eggs in front of Christopher.

“What did you mix into the batter?” Christopher clarified, he sniffed the food on the plate. “They don’t smell like the ones Buck makes.” Eddie could tell his son was being polite.

They didn’t look like the ones Buck made for them either.

“I’m sure they taste as delicious though.” Eddie grinned as he set his own pile of French toast and eggs on his plate and sat down to breakfast with his son.

The guilt from last night only had become tenfold when Christopher asked Eddie where Buck was once he had stepped foot into the kitchen and saw that the guest bedroom was empty as was the living room couch.

Instead of smelling warm and sweet French toast, Christopher woke up to the smell of eggs and more eggs.

The excuse that Buck had to leave to see his sister didn’t seem to be bought by Christopher if Christopher’s crestfallen face was anything to go by.

Eddie never hated himself more.

“How’s the French toast?” he asked, feigning excitement to the start of the day.

“They’re good.” Christopher smiled politely.

If Eddie was grateful for anything, it was for the fact that his son was the sweetest and most polite kid on earth.

But also, a horrible liar.

“But not as good as Buck’s, right?” Eddie asked, not ashamed to admit that not even a bowl of syrup could make his French toast not taste bland.

It was like eating soggy eggy bread.

Christopher was quiet as he took another bite.

Eddie sighed, rubbing his face tiredly and knowing what he had to do. He pulled the plate away from Christopher, “I’m sorry.” He told his son.

“It’s okay.” Christopher smiled, but the smile waned as Christopher looked at his dad finally. “Buck didn’t leave because of his sister, did he?”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile. At the same time though, he couldn’t help but cry. He shook his head no. “I-” he gulped down a sob. “I really made Buck upset last night.” He admitted.

“Why?” Christopher asked, looking hurt on Buck’s behalf. “I thought you two were best friends?”

Christopher didn’t even know why. Eddie seriously doubted that Christopher knew what he called Buck last night.

“We are.” Eddie answered, feeling stupid and insecure now. “I-I just really messed up and got angry for something he didn’t do and I wasn’t a good friend to him.”

Christopher nodded, Eddie could see him chewing his lip as he tried to figure out what actually happened. “Are you going to apologize?”

Eddie sniffed, “I know I should.”

Christopher smiled at that, God his son was the only good thing about him. “ Buck’s really nice, he would forgive you if you apologize.”

Sad enough, Eddie knew that to be too true after Buck apologized to his parents after what they did. Buck was quick to forgive. But Eddie wasn’t sure if Buck could forgive him. He wasn’t even sure if Buck would believe him.

He had reminded him of the one thing that Buck felt horrible for, and it wasn’t Buck’s fault.

“You-You really love Buck, don’t you?” He asked Christopher, Eddie pulled his son’s hands into his.

“Of course!” Christopher answered immediately, “Don’t you?”

Eddie let out a soft laugh at that.

It wasn’t _that_ simple.

But it _sort_ of was.

“Yeah.” Eddie answered, sniffing and wiping away tears. “Yeah, I love him.”

Christopher could only look at his dad. “Please tell him that.”

Eddie nodded, getting up to hug his son. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll tell him today.” He pulled his son up, “C’mon, let’s get you ready for school.” Eddie reminded him.

“Okay.” Christopher answered, getting his crutches ready. Instead of walking to his room though, Christopher walked up to his dad and hugged him. “I love you, dad.”

Eddie could only hug his son tighter, “I love you too.”

…

He could sense them before they even go to the table. Eddie put his hands up in defeat, “I know, I know. I fucked up.”

Hen’s smile was tight, “That’s the nice way of saying that.”

Chimney looked exhausted, “What the hell where you thinking?”

Eddie shook his head, carding his fingers through his hair. “I wasn’t.” he answered honestly. “I was jut angry.”

He had only been at the station for 15 minutes. He was ready for the first line of defense which was Bobby- whose only reaction to seeing Eddie was a questionable look. He was honestly was expecting more from the man that was Buck’s mentor and father figure. But wasn’t surprised to find a note on his locker that had options of different department therapists, with the words “I’m here to talk.” Scrawled in Bobby’s handwriting on top of the page.

Hen and Chimney, of course, where the second line.

He didn’t even have to ask how they found out. Albert must of told Chimney who would have of course told Maddie and Hen. Hen would have told Athena who would have told Bobby.

He gave a silent thank you to whomever was listening that Maddie didn’t actually work in the station. She would have murdered him, especially since Buck was still reeling from their parents visit and about the secret regarding their brother.

“Clearly.” Hen quipped as she and Chimney sat down across from Eddie.  
“How is he?”

Chimney shrugged, “Not great. Maddie spent an hour convincing him to come into work today and according to Albert he had another emergency session with his therapist.”

Eddie bit his lip, he figured that would be the case. “Is he coming in?” he asked softly.

Hen nodded, “He should be.” She tapped the table to get Eddie’s attention, as she realized that Eddie was beginning to fold into himself. “What happened Eddie?”

Eddie squirmed a bit under both of their glares. “Christopher called Buck dad last night and I just saw-”

“Rage.” Chimney finished, looking unsure. His arms were folded and he looked pensively at Eddie. “You know that Christopher didn’t really-”

Now it was Eddie’s turn to cut him off, “I know. I know he didn’t mean it. It just hurt.”

“Eddie,” Hen started, “You know you’re a great dad. No one has ever questioned your dedication to Christopher.” Hen reminded him gently.

“I know.” Eddie started, “I know that.” He groaned, feeling the guilt hit him hard. “It’s just I never feel like I’m doing enough for him, its never felt like enough. I know that Buck didn’t ask for him to call him dad and I _know_ he would never make Christopher call him that.” He rubbed his stomach as his voice became softer and softer with each word.

“It just hurt.” Hen finished his train of thought for him. Eddie could only nod as he felt himself become nauseous.

“I just feel like I can do right by him, my parents had never felt like I could do right by Christopher and I know I messed up being a dad to him even before he was born.” Eddie explained, “Just hearing him call Buck ‘dad’, it just felt like all of the old insecurities met and made new insecurities.” He gulped down the sob that had been threatening to come out again since breakfast. “I- I know that Christopher loves me and I, I don’t know.” He breathed.

Chimney’s face softened, “I don’t get it, but I get it.” He admitted. “I’m scared shitless about becoming a dad, I don’t even know how I would react if I head my kid call someone else ‘dad’. But Buck? He didn’t deserve that.”

Hen nodded, “You know better than us about how much Buck loves Christopher, he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize your relationship with your son.”

Eddie wiped his face at that. “Pretty sure if I made Buck promise to never see or speak to Christopher he would actually do it.” He let out a sour laugh at that. Buck had been through hell on earth to protect Christopher, if Eddie had asked him to do something for Christopher’s sake, he was sure that Buck wouldn’t even think more than second about it.

“But you’re not, right?” Hen asked, a certain edge to her voice.

Eddie shook his head emphatically. “No,” he sniffed, “Not a fucking chance.”

The two firefighters nodded, “Good.” Hen answered, the edge not fully gone. “You’re gonna apologize.” She told him, not that unkindly.

Eddie could only bite the inside of his cheek at the thought of having to look Buck in the eyes after last night.

Luckily he didn’t have to make the first move, because Buck did.

He stomach churned as he saw Buck come up the stairs to the loft.

Buck looked _gutted._ His eyes were blood shot, the skin under his eyes were almost gray. It was only a few days ago where Buck’s movement were sure and confident, but now he was moving like he was at risk of being struck down again.

Hen and Chimney got up and both parted ways in order for Buck to come closer, but Buck didn’t move a step from the rails.

“Hey.” He softly greeted the others.

“Buck.” “Hey kid.” Hen and Chimney greeted him, not daring to change the tension in the room. They could only look between the two men- unsure in how to step in and unsure how to help.

Eddie was pretty sure they couldn’t. 

“Can, can we talk?” Buck asked, he was looking anywhere except at Eddie.

Eddie nodded and wordlessly followed Buck outside.

Eddie opened his mouth to speak, but Buck was quick to start first. “Eddie, I’m really sorry for last night.”

Eddie could only open his mouth and close it again, processing what Buck had just said. “What?” 

Buck let his arms drop to his side, his shoulders slumped as he continued. “I’m really sorry. You know I would never step in like that, I don’t know why Christopher would call me dad. I didn’t make him or set any of that up. I was just as taken back as you were.” Buck explained, stepping closer to Eddie. “I-I know you’re pissed and you have every right to be, but I-I never would do that to you.”

Eddie nodded, his eyes burning.

Buck looked the same.

“I know, I knew you wouldn’t do that on purpose.” Eddie admitted quietly, letting his hands drop to his sides as well before stuffing his hands into his pocket. “I-I didn’t mean of any of that-”

Buck shook his head, “But you did. I know I fucked up.”

“You really didn’t’.” Eddied tried to remind him, knowing that his words from last night brought up as many insecurities as Christopher calling Buck ‘dad’ did to Eddie.

“But I did.” Buck answering bitingly, “I nearly got your kid killed Eddie and I’m never going to forgive myself for that.” The tears falling now again, “Christopher lost his mom and my head was so far up my own ass that I never stopped to check in on him like I should have. I should’ve been there.”

Eddie rubbed the back of his neck forcefully, “And I should have never have said that to you.”

“But it’s true though!” Buck nearly shouted.

“But it’s _not_.” Eddie correctly him gently as possible. “I was pissed and I hurt, and I took it out on the one person who has basically had my back since I arrived here. You fucking saved Christopher during a tsunami and you’ve been there at every possible moment for him. I just- I can’t blame Christopher or you for him calling you ‘dad’. He trusts you.” Eddie admitted, feeling his insecurities and embarrassment scramble his nerves as he watched Buck reel.

“You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him or you, right? Not anything?” Buck asked, almost pleadingly as he took another step closer to Eddie.

“I know.” Eddie nodded, his tears now falling.

Buck laughed, it sounded sour and gut twisting to them both. “You know you’re a great dad, right?” Buck asked.  
“Doesn’t all ways feel like it.” Eddie admitted, wiping the tears away with his sleeve the best he could.

Buck shook him by the shoulders, “You are a great dad. Do you know how Christopher looks at you when he talks about you? Or when he just sees you?” Buck asked. “You are _his_ freaking superhero. He knows how much you have done for him and how much you love him. You would fucking gnaw off your own arm if it meant Christopher getting whatever his heart desires. That’s what kind of dad you are.” Buck reasoned, pointing his finger into Eddie’s heart.

Eddie could only close his eyes and nod, tears falling helplessly as Buck continued.

“And Christopher is amazing, sweet, and optimistic kid. I envy that kid’s outlook on life, he never lets anything or anyone get him down. That’s the kid _you_ raised.” 

“I love him more than anything.” Eddie stated.

“I know.” Buck answered, he shook Eddie again, forcing him to look at Buck this time. “If I’m so lucky to have a kid who is as half as good and sweet and smart as Christopher, then I can only _wish_ to be as half as good as you when it comes to being a dad, and that’s not an easy feat, Eddie. You’re a freaking superhero.”

He could only pull Buck into a hug after that. “I’m sorry.” Eddie said in a hush tone, not trusting himself to not break again. “I’m so sorry. I should have never said any of that shit.”

“I know you didn’t mean it.” Buck told him. “But it is true.” He said as he tried to pull away from the hug.

“It’s not Buck.” Eddie confronted him, he looked at Buck- he wouldn’t let the other man step away just yet. 

He knew how much Buck loved Christopher.

He shouldn’t have never made questioned it or made Buck feel like he wasn’t enough.

“You would gnaw off your arm too if it meant Christopher would get everything he desired, wouldn’t you?” Eddie asked, the question being asked without heat or spite.

Buck looked at him finally, his eyes still watery but his features set and open. “In a heartbeat.” Buck answered simply.

Eddie nodded, pulling Buck into another hug. “I know.”

Eddie didn’t know if now was the time to tell Buck that he really did love him.

But he definitely knew how to _show_ him.

**A few weeks later….**

Buck had only been asleep for a few hours after doing a 24 hour shift at the station, he could feel his muscles stiffened with every move he had made before falling into bed after what he could only describe as hell night. Full moon and everything else.

He nearly slept through his phone ringing, but answered it at the fifth ring. Not even thinking to check the ID before answering.

He nearly cursed out loud for answering a unknown number and was slowly mentally preparing for the inevitable scammer on the other side of the line.

“Good morning, is this Mr. Evan Buckely?” asked a friendly female voice.

Apparently the scammers were getting better in sounding polite now?

“Speaking.”

“Hi Mr. Buckely, I’m Miss Winston, the primary nurse at Gardner elementary school.”

Buck immediately sat up at the mention of Christopher’s school. “Is Christopher okay?” he was fully awake now.

“Not really.” Winston answered, “Christopher has a slight fever and has been complaining of a stomach ache.”

Buck frowned, “Uh, I’m really sorry to hear that. But shouldn’t you be calling Eddie Diaz? His father?” Buck hoped he sounded polite and not confused.

“We did call Mr. Diaz since he is listed as primary parent one, but he didn’t answer.” Winston explained.

Buck looked at the time on his phone, “Yeah, he’s still at his shift.”

Now it was Winston’s turn to sound super polite as she pushed forward, “Which is when we call the primary parent two.”

Buck shook his head, biting his lip to keep from laughing at what was clearly a bad joke set up by the others at the station. “What?”

Winston was starting to loose her polite tone now, “Mr. Buckely, your listed as parent number 2. Mr. Diaz came here some time ago to inform us that you are Christopher’s other dad.”

There were no actual words that Buck could use to explain what he was feeling. He just felt, everything really.

“Are-are you sure?” Buck could only ask, stupefied as to what was really happening.

Winston perhaps sensed something since her tone shifted yet again, this time to mildly touched. “Evan Buckely of Hampton Court, apartment 2B, right?”

“Yeah.” He answered numbly. Again, not being to trust what was really happening.

“You’re listed as dad number two. We have your ID and number.” Winston explained again.

Buck bit his lip to keep from laughing like a kid who was given a puppy. He nearly hit himself, remembering Eddie asking for a picture of his ID- front and back.

Eddie hadn’t given a reason and Buck trusted him enough not to ask.

Buck was out the door in less than two minutes. “I’ll be right there.” He promised.

Before he pulled out of the parking spot, Buck quickly messaged Eddie to tell him what happened.

Eddie’s response was quick. ‘Go get our son. I’ll see you two later.’

Buck was pretty sure he was the only parent to happily step into a school in the middle of the school day to pick up a sick kid.


End file.
